The drug is known as a rapid-acting opioid, used to alleviate pain without knocking you out completely (hence the lolling). Now we also have an innovative food product that gets straight to the point, without any of the faff of nuance or subtlety. If you want something pleasurable in your mouth immediately, look no further than the savoury doughnut; the end times fast food that delivers pleasure faster than a fentanyl lollypop (and yes that is a real thing).
With fillings such as green pesto and cream cheese, as well as combinations of caramel icing and savoury spices, we really have reached peak mouthgasm (if this sounds like your type of thing). Although this writer does have a penchant for sweet-savoury combinations (Malaysian curry and sweet sauce on burgers springs to mind), I can’t help feeling that this is just another product of late capitalism’s onslaught upon our need for FASTER! TASTIER! BIGGER! Can’t be bothered to eat a main course then dessert? No problem, now you can have them all in one mouth-smacking gobfull. What the fuck do you think you’re doing sitting down and eating a meal. Are you French? You should be working. Here’s the solution buddy.
At an average of over five hundred calories each, the savoury doughnut might just be a quicker route to mortality than Fentanyl too. Win win.
These savoury delights seem to be yet another way to avoid ‘the now’ and have it instead replaced with now in your mouth; yet more distraction. We just can’t seem to slow down, look around and take in our surroundings without being attacked by something new, something to take our minds off, you know, thinking and shit.
I have visions of a future where good little consumers roam urban landscapes, heads bent over their phones, mouths chomping on savoury doughnuts, as they bump into Fentanyl-ravaged junkies, like zombies in a real life Resident Evil. Yes! Resident Evil, but with savoury doughnuts. I can see the sponsorship dollars pinging in as we speak. And if war really does start between Canada and the US, I can envision how it might be fought. A hybrid conflict with the Canadians secretly exporting truckloads of Fentanyl south, while garrisons of US Marines bombard the Canadian border with barrages of savoury doughnuts. A true internecine war if ever I saw one.